This is a follow up to the post I did a few days about criticism. In case you missed it, I would encourage you to take a look at it. I personally, thought the message was so important, that I made a video reiterating how to process critique. Yeah, thats right I rocked out a video and wrote a post – so you can have a choice in how you digest the message. I am here to serve. 
I hate being criticized. No one does, really, but I HATE it. Maybe its because I am an only child and just not used to playing well with others! Ha! Criticism has not really plagued me in school or in my work in corporate career, because I was so detached I did whatever it took to get an “A”. But when it comes to creating something, building something, making something, or even writing something that is a reflection of me, the criticism can seem very personal. Because creation, is an extension of oneself. It is a manifestation of your view of the world.
If you want to start a business, write a book, heck birth a child, there is going to be someone who is going to criticize you. Your only role in all of this is to determine if its constructive feedback or if its negative bullcrap that you could honestly give 2 sh@$ts about. As you become more well known, move up the ladder, or become more successful, you will get more criticism often of the bullcrap variety. I am a MBA, after all, so I made this super awesome chart. (Okay you can tell what kinda student I was, given the fact that this chart is not in Excel!)
Totally a B-school Chart!
But in some instances criticism can be helpful. I recently worked at a startup, where the CEO was constantly critiquing. “This product sucks, you suck, we need to work harder, faster, better, and under budget” Rarely was he critiquing me, but he would shut down other people so publicly, that I actually avoided showing him my work or sharing my thoughts in fear of being criticized. For backdrop, I was working in the Middle East, full of colleagues that were all ex- military (and I am pretty sure they saw combat). In the Middle East, being critical is almost a sport, so you can imagine a critical culture led by an ex-leader of the IDF. You can imagine how that worked out for me. IT. DID NOT.GO.WELL. Upon reflection, I now know that despite a sucky work culture, there were things I could have done to preserve my peace of mind and made sure that voice was still heard. I also learned that if you want to be part of a creative endeavor, know that critique will be part of the process. And that it WILL be OKAY.
I gave up my power in that situation because I stopped sharing my ideas, and ultimately my voice was silence. But we were NOT put on this earth to be silent; in fact, we were put on this earth to create. With creation comes critique – the good and the bad.
Meditate on this today! I plan on posting a longer piece about this quote, but in summary looking at my happiest most fulfilled friends. They are the ones that are more disciplined about the things in their life. And we are not talking just about work. Discipline begets discipline. Have a wonderful discipline day my friends!!!
Just as I was feeling down on myself, a homeless guy pointed to this sign and asked for a quarter.
1) Have more fun, turns out your mom doesn’t care!
2) Take Track more seriously, you are really good at it.
3) Tell your parents how awesome they are
4) Don’t write that letter to your mom, about how you think you were adopted. You aren’t get over yourself. . .
What would you say?
This is a follow up to How to get an Informational Interview, read this first if you haven’t already. Congrats, so you got a coffee date on the calendar with someone you really admire. Now what? Here are some tips to help you prepare for and have a successful meeting. The point is not for you to lavish them with praise or to hear their “story”, your goal is to ask them something, even if its as small as asking for another meeting.
Before the Meeting:
During the Meeting:
After the Meeting:
Ending the meeting: It is a good idea to ask, how you can be helpful to them. No matter if you think you have nothing to offer. Asking the question alone, will win you brownie points. This is also a good seque into announcing any next steps/recap the meeting. A template- “This was a great meeting, I learned so much about X, I am going to follow up with you about Y, in the next few days”.
Followup: This is where most people fall short. Send a follow up note, immediately after the meeting, thank them for their time and gently remind them of any next steps. Depending on if it would be appreciated, send a thank you card. And then follow up, check in, follow up, over the next few weeks/months. What you don’t want, is for the relationship to go stale.
Have any other tips? Share them below in the comments.
“He chose money over power. In this town, a mistake nearly everyone makes. Money is the mansion in Sarasota that starts falling apartment after 10 years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries. I cannot respect someone who doesn’t see the difference.” Francis Underwood (Kevin Spacey), HOUSE OF CARDS
I admit I am a bit late to the game on watching House of Cards, but once I committed I think I watched all of the episodes in a 48 hour period. This quote about power stood out as one of the best quotes of the show. I think of Power, as influence, as in you have the ability to get things done either from your own resources or by using your influence over others to leverage theirs. Money is important. Heck it is very important. But influence, is the ability to get things done. Money + Influence = can be dangrously awesome because of what you can get done. Influence – Money = can still let you accomplish great things, this is the stuff legends is made of. Money – Influence = can let you direct a movie without an audience or fight a war without soldiers. Enuf, said.
The quest for power is often seen in a negative light, but I would challenge that assertion. No matter what realm you operate in, we all want influence. We want to be able to raise money for our charities, produce that documentary, get a bill passed, heck, get our kids to eat their vegetables. Don’t be afraid of your power and influence.
Recently, I did a quick power audit.
Okay, so I know what you are thinking and now you want to know, how to get more influence, which I promise to do a deep dive post on. But for now here are some of my favorite tenets as gleamed from this great book the 48 Rules of Power.
Be the expert: Know something that others don’t. In this instance, its better to have specialized knowledge than broad knowledge
Be part of a Mafia: Join organizations, get mentors, and network with people who have influence. Support them and make sure they support you.
Get a Board of Directors: Find people with more influence, or different spheres of influence invest in you as a person. They can pull strings that you will be unable to. Throughout history, the greats have come up through the help of people more powerful. Align carefully.
Know what People want - Sometimes, just knowing what motives people is half the battle. Giving and sometimes NOT giving them what they want can help your cause, but only when you know that that “thing” is.
Be Known for Something: Write a blog, get on local TV, support a specific charity, start a book club on some topic. Whatever it is, let it be known what your projects are. Remember people have short memories, find ways to remind people of what you are working on.
Create Dependency: Creating dependency does not have to be some big thing, if all you are known for is having the key to the bathroom at your desk, you still have more access and power than Jill Schmoe. No matter how small, create value and be very generous.
Be Generous: At the end of the day, we are not trying to be dictators of small countries (hopefully). Be generous in helping others and sharing what you know with others. Karma, it is a real thing.
Be Graceful: This is often a matter of style. But people tend to respect people whose talents look effortless. Don’t complain or share how freaking hard you are working. Keep all the negative stuff behind the curtain.
Sidebar – The book “48 Laws of Power” is totally Machiavellian, and reading it will make you grow hair on your chest and make you want to go to invade a small country, but if you use a discerning eye, some of the tenets can apply, say, to your everyday PTA group. It is worth a read, and if you are super lazy, just scan the outline.
